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Turtles All The Way Down by John Green- review

Trigger warnings: Anxiety and OCD. “Spirals grow infinitely small the farther you follow them inward, but they also grow infinitely large the farther you follow them out.” I was waiting for what felt like FOREVER for this book to come out and when it did, I was so worried about picking it up. I was so worried that I’d be disappointed and that I would have wasted my time because John Green is a simple stunning author with beautifully written novels that touched my heart and I knew that regardless of how hard I tried, I would end up comparing Turtles All The Way Down to his other novels. I knew that I would judge it compared to his other works and if I didn’t enjoy is as much, I would be hugely disappointed. Turtles All The Way Down is about mental health, life-long friendship, unexpected reunions that become something beautiful, Star Wars fanfiction and tuatara. “You're both the fire and the water that extinguishes it. You're the narrator, the protagonist, and the sidekick. You're the storyteller and the story told. You are somebody's something, but you are also your you.” The plot follows Aza, a 16-year-old high school student living with obsessive compulsive disorder. Her struggles with OCD result in her becoming self-absorbed; she has two close friends: Mychal Turner, who is an aspiring artist, and her best friend Daisy Ramirez, who writes Star Wars fanfiction. Aza soon discovers, from Daisy, that the billionaire and father of Davis Pickett, an old acquaintance of hers, Russell Pickett has gone missing and there is a $100,000 for information on Pickett. Daisy, who is tempted by the reward, decides that they need to search for Russell Pickett and together, she and Aza canoe across the White River and sneak onto the Pickett compound where they are caught by the security guard, who brings them to meet Davis. From there, Aza and Davis’s story and relationship begins. I am so glad to say that that was not the case! The writing style drew me in instantly and once I had started, I found it difficult to put it down! However, I have an awful habit of reading late at night (especially on the nights where I am meant to wake up early the following morning!). Additionally, I enjoyed reading about his, as usual, witty, intelligent and knowledgeable characters that makes him a unique writer. I love hearing about a more mature point of view on certain situations and that being a teenager does not make you any less intelligent than an adult. He gives his characters respect and allows them to be seen with admiration and awe. His characters go through relatable experiences and the reader can connect to them. In general, the plot wasn’t heavy and didn’t contain a lot of baseless plot twists that, in turn, ruin the actual novel. Instead, the plot seemed realistic and sweet. Can we also establish the high level of originality that John Green has? His characters plot doesn’t copy the styles of his other novels or the styles of other authors. In my opinion, John Green’s description of mental health is probably the most accurate description I have ever heard. John Green’s description of anxiety left me speechless and stunned. It was simply beautiful. I never thought of anxiety in that way and I felt emotional at the intensity of his description. John Green’s words speak to me and leave me thinking about the world in a different way than I do now. John Green has the rare ability to describe something in words that no-one else can describe. “The thing about a spiral is, if you follow it inward, it never actually ends. It just keeps tightening, infinitely.” “Actually, the problem is that I can't lose my mind," I said. "It's inescapable.” “True terror isn’t being scared; it’s not having a choice on the matter.” “I wanted to tell her that I was getting better, because that was supposed to be the narrative of illness: It was a hurdle you jumped over, or a battle you won. Illness is a story told in the past tense.” “I would always be like this, always have this within me. There was no beating it. I would never slay the dragon, because the dragon was also me. My self and the disease were knotted together for life.” I loved the subtle hints of romance that didn’t take over the story and left it sweet and tender. I loved how the romance was slowly built up over the course of the novel and how it just brought everything together. The romance wasn’t from lust; it was from taking comfort from another. I also loved how the story focused on Aza’s mental health rather than the romantic element. The story didn’t focus on romance and falling in love- it showed how people actually do struggle in life. “We never really talked much or even looked at each other, but it didn't matter because we were looking at the same sky together, which is maybe even more intimate than eye contact anyway. I mean, anybody can look at you. It's quite rare to find someone who sees the same world you see.” Unexpectedly, Noah, Davis’ 13-year-old brother left me in tears and I still can’t comprehend why. Noah is this barely teenage boy who is struggling with his father suddenly leaving with nothing left behind- there was no trace of him. Noah is a child who had no-one to cry to and no-one to talk to or share his feelings with and that truly hit me. His older brother, Davis, is trying so hard to manage but scarcely can. This leaves Noah on his own and no-one should feel like that. “It’s all right to be scared, Noah.” And then he turned his face away from me and started sobbing. “You’re okay,” I told him, lying. “You’re okay. He’ll come home.” I loved the interaction between Davis and Aza through Davis’ blog posts and poetry entries. These left me both smiling and in tears. I also loved the growing-up elements. “I was so good at being a kid, and so terrible at being whatever I was now.” Furthermore, I am so relieved that I didn’t have to read the typical ‘happily ever after’ that I feel like Young Adult fiction has become so accustomed to. Turtles All The Way Down gives a more ‘they lived’ ending. It also shows that although they lived, it didn’t have to be happy for the book to end. “...no one ever says good-bye unless they want to see you again.” In conclusion, this book was stunning, simply stunning and if you haven’t read it, I would advise you to go and pick it up! I am so relieved that John Green has re-entered with a beautiful book and I anticipate whatever else he has in store! I pray that he plans on writing more! I also cannot wait to read this book again as it is one that will stay with me forever. This is one of my favourite books about mental health and I hope that everyone gives it a chance and reads it.

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